When the World was Mine
by kaydi
Summary: During Harry's fourth year, sirius was living in a cave, outside Hogsmeade. On one night late in the year, he sits in his cave, thinking about everything that has happened and about the one thing he misses most, James


It never rained, the sun was always shining,

When the world was mine 

**Nothing belongs to me except a few characters mentioned here and there, Addi, Sirius's sister, Mari, his wife, and Erin, his girlfriend at Hogwarts. Oh and the song belongs to Roan Keating, I think. **

Several of the things Sirius talks about are mentioned in mystory, My Name is Sirius Black, which is long, but worth the read. Hey I got over three hundred reviews so it must be good. Hehehe. 

**And be on the lookout here soon for a new story, My Name is James Potter. **

**Please review. I'm going on vacation tomorrow and tons of reviews would be a wonderful thing to come home to.Thanks!******

It's night, James. I can tell, from the stars that twinkle just outside my cave entrance. I can see myself. Well, sort of. I can see my namesake. 

Whenever we were outside, you would always pick it out and say something. Like, "Hey, there's Sirius!"I remember this one time, you and Remus had this long argument about whether I was standing next to them or up in the sky. It was our second year, I think. No third. It's too long ago to remember.And Azkaban dulled most of my memories.

Yes, it was third. Right after my dad died. You and Moony did it to cheer me up.You were always doing things like that. 

**_It never rained; the sun was always shining,_**

**_And none of my mistakes were ever seen._**

_ _

I can see Hogwarts from here.I wonder how Harry's doing tonight.I hope he's safe, keeps himself out of trouble. But then he is the son of James Potter. 

James, my best friend.How I miss you. You know, my life was prefect at that place. I had everything. Girls, good marks, admirers, but most of all, I had you. I had you; James, and I had Remus, and Peter, and Lily and Erin and Addi. And if I had you, then I had the world. 

_ _

**_There was a time when every door was open._**

**_And the Universe was mine, or so it seemed._**__

_ _

I remember everything sometimes.And it seems as if all this, all this time, it never happened. I'm still fifteen years old, racing up the stairs from Quiddich practice, you on my heels, on our way to pick up the other two Marauders, and play some random prank on the Slytherins. 

**_In every match we had the best seven._**

**_That it would ever end never crossed my mind_**__

_ _

You know, I didn't know it could end.Oh, I knew people died. I lost my parents as a child.But I didn't you; you of all people were mortal. 

**_I was flying higher than the heavens _**

**_Back when the world was mine_**

_ _

I remember the first time we flew together, do you?It was our first flying lesson. We were all nervous. I'd never been on a broom before, but you, you just grinned at me and said, "It'll be fun, Sirius."And I kicked off. 

Soon we were soaring.Madam Hooch was amazed. Do you remember? She said she'd never seen two people flew that good.And Snape fell off. That was funny, and we laughed for hours after. 

**Sometimes a man can't see,   
When he has it all,**

I remember when you first saw Lily.We were at the sorting and you couldn't take your eyes off her.We teased you, but I got it just as bad when I saw Erin.And later, when Remus met Addi, we laughed then too. We laughed all the time. 

Did you know, I almost never laughed before I met you, James. Almost never.But you brought it out. Truly you did. I would never have become the prankster I was had you not run into me while trying to get through the barriers between platforms nine and ten all those years ago. 

You know, I had everything, James. I really did.But I was blind. I didn't know I could lose itin one second. And when you don't see something coming, it's all the more shocking. 

  
**Take a look at me,  
Oh, how the mighty fall,**

If you could see me now, James.Your best friend, the great Sirius Black, hiding in a cave, sharingone room with a higgogriff,living off rats, just so he can make sure your son is safe.You know, Remus offered to let me stay with him. but it's too far away from Harry. 

You wouldn't recognize me, James. You wouldn't. I doubt even I do, sometimes.When I look at myself now, it's like it's someone else.It's like I'm two people, the Sirius you knew, and Azkaban Sirius. It's like my mind is still back there, still with you, but my body is not. I'm too different, too pale, though months of living in the woods is changing that, too thin, you can't get fat off of rats and various other wooly animals you actually have to catch, my eyes too haunted. That look appeared when you died, James. When you and Lily died. Or maybe it was before.Maybe I'd begun to have it before, maybe when dad died, or when Erin passed.I don't know and Remus won't answer. 

**_Once I ruled the Earth,  
Once upon a time,_**

Once upon a time, I never knew that phrase could be true.We were once upon a time. We were.But the story didn't end with happily ever after, did it? 

  
**When I was your friend,  
That's when the world was mine.**

I am sorry, James. I know you'll never hear me. But I am. You did so much for me. So much.You know, you took me in. You were my friend when I was alone.Sure, we'd just met. Buteven then I knew there was something about you, something different. 

**_Oh, the changes I'd make if I had the power._**

**_How could I have had so much and been so blind?_**

_ _

If only I could go back, if I could take back those words. If I had been your secret keeper, or Remus or Dumbledore. But I was a fool. I chose Peter. And it was all our undoing. 

But even I can see, if you hadn't died, if Harry hadn't defeated the DarkLord,he'd still be here. And so, in a way, you didn't die in vain. 

How could there have been so much I had, how could I have had so much? I had a life, a career, and family. I had you.And I didn't see how much it would hurt if I lost you. Well, it hurts, James. It hurts a lot. 

**_It was only for a bright and shining moment,_**

**_That I had you, and the world was mine._**

_ _

You know, looking back, our years here seemed to fly by. It seems like just yesterday we were scared little first years, making our trip across the lake thatnight, and falling out of the boat when Peter stood up. Do you remember that?He was so scared. Remus too. You and I just laughed. Like always. 

And those seven years, they were the best of my life.Sure there were dark times, like when my dad died, or you all found out about my grandfather, or that Christmas in our seventh year when I lost Erin, the most precious thing I had. 

But then, thanks to you, there would always be something bright, something to cheer me up.And when I found Mari, things were just prefect, you know? 

**_Sometimes a man can't see,   
When he has it all,_**

_ _

You know, Remus asked me why I laughed.Why I laughed like a maniac killer, standing there surrounded by those peoples bodies, and Peter's bloody robes, realizing I was doomed. To tell the truth, I don't know, James. I don't know.Everything just brokedown, all my walls, all my defenses, everything came crashing down. 

It was then I realized I'd gambled with my friend's lives, and I'd lost._ _

_  
**Take a look at me,  
Oh, how the mighty fall,**_

_ _

They are still looking for me, though not as much as before. I haven't let myself be seen as anything but Padfoot, so they think I've left.Harry is constantly worrying about me.Imagine, all he ha to deal with and he's worried about his foolish old godfather, who sitting out here in the woods, perfectly fine, eating rats. I just imagine they're Peter, and they don't taste that bad. 

**_Once I ruled the Earth,  
Once upon a time,_**

_ _

Once upon a time, there was a boy, and he had a friend.A great friend.That's you James.I miss you. We all do.Say hi to Lily for me. And if you see them, tell my parents I didn't do it and I love them. 

_  
**When I was your friend,  
That's when the world was mine.**_

_ _

You were, are my brother James. We're connected by something stronger than simple friendship. I can feel it with Harry and I felt it with you.I'll be there for Harry, James.I swear. I'll love him like he is you. I'll protect him, keep him safe,scold him when he's bad,laugh as he calls me a hypocrite, and I'll tell him about his brave andnoble parents who died so that he could live. 

And maybe someday, I can have my world back._ _

_  
**That's when the world was mine.******_


End file.
